On The Day She Stops Nagging You | Thought Catalog

Jakob OwensOn the day she stops nagging you, she will make her coffee just as she likes it. Watching her favorite flavor of creamer dance into darkness, starting her day peacefully. Not wondering if, after all this time, you actually cared enough to make her a cup, much less know how she likes it. She’ll sigh as she wonders why it was always too much to ask you to consider.

Your preference – cream, two sugars, extra hot – will graze her mind.

On the day she stops nagging you, she will play her favorite record as loud as she likes it. Chuckling at the memories attached to the melody. Not hinting for you to ask why she loves this band so much, much less even know who they are. She’ll smirk knowing the playlist she made you was never opened.

Your favorite songs – the ones often replayed while you were home– will play in her mind.

On the day she stops nagging you, she won’t trip over your things on the floor while placing her cup in the sink. Not making a mental note to wash it before you come home, as she knows it’s one of your biggest pet peeves. She’ll relax knowing she can get it to it later.

Your scent – no longer circling her room – will be missed when she breathes in a sigh of relief.

On the day she stops nagging you, she’ll grab her socks out of the drawer instead of the laundry basket. She emptied it months ago, waiting for you to ask for shared space. Shrugging, she supposes that made it easier, because you never filled it. You never even tried.

Your promise – “I’m not going anywhere” – rings in her ears as she closes the drawer.

On the day she stops nagging you, she will check her email. She will open new tabs without notifications she never wanted to see. She’ll bite her lip, remembering, feeling guilty as you called her needy.

Your account – the one you would forget to log out of – quickly overtook the screen with chat bubbles, ironically timed stamped during her being told she “needed too much of your time.”

On the day she stops nagging you, she will change her Instagram default. She won’t hesitate to wonder if her makeup is too much for your liking. Not curious why her screen suggests she “knows” a string of single women you’ve recently followed.

Your activity feed – full & public – doesn’t remind her she’s hidden or unworthy of two seconds of your time.

On the day she stops nagging you, she’ll take herself to lunch. Excitingly combing the menu in anticipation, like she’s seeing a long-lost friend. Savoring each bite like a victory. Digesting the validity of her opinions again.

You never took her – not even on her birthday – to her favorite restaurant.

On the day she stops nagging you, she will receive common courtesy from others she fought for you to consider to show. She’ll have perfect strangers acknowledge her presence without request. Co-workers and acquaintances ask about her day.

Your dismissal of her thoughts will seem confusing as colleagues show the interest she pleaded you for every night.

On the day she stops nagging you, she’ll be taken back by how easy her routine flows. She accepts invitations from friends without worry if you’ll be “in the mood” to attend. Embracing her stomach sans-knots, without concern of you making jokes at her expense.

Your excuses – rehearsed to keep you in good standings – won’t be necessary for her to have a nice night.

On the day she stops nagging you, she’ll order another round at happy hour. The large crowd and noisy hall will help her unwind and de-stress. Not planning an Irish exit when you give her “the look,” followed by her knowing better when it comes to you and busy bars.

Your absence allows her to order her vodka of choice, knowing she won’t have to defend her choice of money spent.

On the day she stops nagging you, she will walk home through the park. She will take in the sun set as it glows on the lake. Spotting an elderly couple, hands clasped as they walk, she will smile. She will fantasize about someone, someday, treating her like the lovebirds ahead.

Your hands aren’t shoved in your pockets, your eyes don’t roll as she reaches for yours. You aren’t there to remind her it’s a pipe dream, at best.

On the day she stops nagging you, she will turn the shower to hot. She will satisfy her own needs without feeling hurried to stop “wasting your time.” She will make herself comfortable – not punctual – and will release guilt-free. She will smile in enjoyment at control her sensuality again.

Your concept of how long a woman should take to climax doesn’t pressure her to disregard herself. She’s reassured that her needs don’t depend on your terms.

On the day she stops nagging you, she will crawl into bed. She will roll over and place her hand on your side. She had every intention of reading her book, without you turning the light off mid-page. Knowing her habits, once found endearing by you, now an annoyance despite the comfort she needs to sleep well herself.
You will grumble about how she never lets you get a decent night’s sleep. As if your schedule doesn’t effect hers.

On the day she stops nagging you, she will remember that you weren’t always this way. She will miss when you were intrigued by her, when she felt like you cared. Fondly recalling when each other’s time was worth thanks instead of spite, when there was no such thing as too close or too much.

You used to never stop talking to anyone about her; you used to shout your love from the rooftops whenever you could.

On the day she stops nagging you, she will replay your relationship in her mind. Like a movie. You asked her about every facet. Every detail and scar. She never had to ask for your attention, you were grateful to have hers.

You made her promises, endlessly, and she believed every word.

On the day she stops nagging you, she will stop fighting. For your attention, your courtesy, your time. For you to hear what she communicating, her intentions. Not to tear you down, but lift you up again. For you to show her the respect she knows you’re capable of giving her.

She was never asking you to be a different man, just the man she fell in love with. She just wants you to love her like you used to before.
On the day she stops nagging you, she will be hit by reality. She will realize the man she fell for was an act, merely a line. She wonders why it’s easier to make her at fault, than to step up and be the partner she signed up for in the first place.

You didn’t have the backbone to say you didn’t love her anymore. So you make her the problem you should “run away from.”

On the day she stops nagging you, she will knw it didn’t fail because of socks on the floor. Cups in the sink. Social media comments. Crowded bars or personal preferences. Different styles of humor, and so forth.

You called her critical, said her expectations were too high.

On the day she stops nagging you, she will say goodbye to the man you’ve become. The one who forgets she exits from across the kitchen. The one who makes her feel unworthy of basic conversation. The one who stopped enjoying her, the man that was her life.

You know, they say “an appreciated woman never nags.”

On the day she stops nagging you, she will know a woman is a reflection of her partner. Critical words come from crucial voids, balanced lives come from fulfilled hearts. Forgotten lovers forget loving words, connected couples relate respectfully.

Your actions cause reactions. You reap what you sow.

On the day she stops nagging you, may it be because she was worth the effort to know what creamer she likes in her coffee. Why a song makes her smile. Where her favorite lunch is served. May you love her so completely & wholly her world can’t be shaken by small hiccups together or socks on the floor.

On the day she stops nagging you, she may love you or leave you. But either way, you’re just receiving what you were willing to give.

By Jaqui Duncan


Our Legacy

Thank God I was raised by parents of the “Greatest Generation.” They understood things like rationing for the war effort, waiting in lines for food or going without during the Depression, young people working to help their own family pay household bills, serving and being loyal to their country, and being prepared for disasters.

Even though I didn’t have to live through those things myself, my parents passed their understanding and perspective on to me. I appreciate and am grateful for that. My mother taught me manners and integrity, and my father gave me his good old German work ethic. If you really need or want something, you better work hard for it. They both taught me to be frugal and live modestly.

We lived in an upper middle class suburban neighborhood. As I was growing up, I saw my friends being given everything. They had bigger houses, nice cars, designer clothes. I came home one day and asked my mom “Mom, are we poor?” She literally burst out laughing and in response said, “No honey, we’re not poor. We own everything we have. Other people finance everything. They don’t own their house, or their cars, and use credit cards for their clothes and vacations.” Then I asked, “If we have money, then why don’t you buy me the popular clothes and things like the other kids’ parents buy them?” She said, “Because if we gave you everything, then you wouldn’t learn to appreciate what you have. When you work for things yourself, you realize the value of time and money.”

Earlier this year I was driving through the high school parking lot to pick up my daughter at school. I looked around to see that almost every car parked in the student area was nicer than mine. Seriously? I’m sure these kids didn’t pay for these cars themselves. Their parents probably didn’t want to be embarressed by their child being seen driving a “beater” that they worked for and bought with their own money.

Unfortunately many in our country have forgotten the wisdom of my parents’ generation (or were never taught by their parents), and have brought children into this world who also don’t understand these concepts. It’s become a “keep up with the Joneses” country where both parents would rather have $60,000 cars and the newest iPhone than sacrifice and spend quality time raising their children. Their focus is “entitlement”.

Self-centeredness, immaturity and lack of values has destroyed the future generation of America. Children are alone and stressed most of the time. Young people are afraid for their future and angry that those before them have stolen their hope. They are facing huge amounts of college debt, and don’t even believe they will ever be able to buy a home of their own. They have doubts that their relationships will last, and worry that if they have children, they may also suffer through divorce.

This is the legacy our generation has left our children? This is the result of the choices our generation have made (we 70-35 year olds). WE are the problem. Not the kids. Not the guns. Not half the things we blame circumstances on.

The world we live in today is the world we have made. We could do something about it, but we won’t. We’re too selfish and lazy to do that. It’s our children that are suffering as a result, and that makes me really angry. It will blow up in our face. My only hope (besides God Himself), is that our kids who have have watched from the sidelines and basically had to raise themselves, will figure out how to fix it before it’s too late.

I love my country. I love my freedom. But with that freedom comes the responsibility to do what’s right, not just whatever the h_ll we want. Grow up. Sacrifice. Practice honor and integrity. Value people and the intangible more than things you can buy with money.

I pray God protects and blesses our children…Lord knows we haven’t.

Transparency Builds Trust

Often we want to present ourself to others as we have it all together, sometimes we even deceive ourselves that we do. But when we are hurting or struggling, the ones we seek for comfort or counsel are those who’ve been there and understand, not the “perfect” people.

Broken people who have gotten through and healed can offer compassion, understanding and wisdom that others cannot.

Perhaps the most valuable thing about us that we can offer the world is ourselves, real and transparent. Perhaps our mistakes, failures, pain and struggle are more valuable than our successes, because they empower us to have an eternal impact loving and helping others right where they are.

If you hide who you are and what you’ve been through from people, how will they know you are someone THEY can go to when they are hurting or struggling?

I’ve had people tell me I share too much, and they show their disapproval, including judging and condemning me for it. Sometimes they question my motives, or think I’m just saying things for attention. I can’t control what people think or how they perceive my words or actions, so I’m not going to try.

I value sincerity, and despise when people are false and shallow, because they are acting like they are better than others. When people look down on the hurting and suffering, it reminds me of when Jesus confronted the religious leaders in Matthew 23:27-28, where He referred to them as white-washed tombs filled with rotting bones. It also reminds me of Job’s accusers (his friends by the way) who claimed that his suffering must be because he did something that caused him to deserve his misfortune.

As a result, we keep to ourselves and don’t reveal what is going on in our hearts, minds, and lives, because we fear the judgement and accusations from others. We also want to avoid the embarrassment of appearing weak or not meeting up to the expectations others place on us. This leads to isolation and loneliness, even when surrounded by people, within our own families, friendships, and churches. I’m sure this has led to the downfall of many in positions of leadership.

There have been countless times that someone has reached out to me privately to discuss something they were going through, simply because I shared something publicly about my own life or experience. Being transparent opened a door for someone to not feel so alone. It resulted in an opportunity for my pain, struggle, or experience to transform into wisdom and healing for someone else. Transparency builds trust. Because of that, I won’t be silent. I won’t fear what people think. I like helping people, and believe the world would be a better place if there were more “real” people in it.

Giving is Good For the Soul: Support a Charity

Give, Donate, CharityHelping others is essential to being a well-adjusted human being.  Some of us do it in our every day life, with simple acts of kindness, helping at the local food pantry, volunteering at our church, or participating in youth organizations.  There is something about helping others that adds to our own feeling of personal self-worth and connection to our community and the world around us.  Connection to others is not only an emotional experience, but a spiritual one, and we all need this kind of interaction, just like we need a hug and physical affection.

Those who only engage in “taking” and “one-upmanship” cannot be truly happy, as any relationship is a two-way street, and you cannot experience closeness and development of trust without reciprocal actions and feelings.  Although we all have times in life where we may have to focus on ourselves for one reason or another, it is healthy to practice being “others-focused”.  This doesn’t just benefit other people, but it benefits you as you feel like you are part of something bigger than yourself, and experience feelings of community and making a difference in other people’s lives.  If you haven’t previously participated in volunteerism or charitable efforts, this may be foreign ground to you, and you may not know where to start.  The key word here is PRACTICE.

First of all, I must agree that being more personally interactive will yield the most benefits, as this causes growth within yourself, and the effects are in real-time.  Serving others directly allows you to see how your participation is affecting people and your community.  If you can get out of your comfort zone and find somewhere locally to volunteer, it won’t take long before you question why you’ve never done something like this before, and make some new friends in the process!

Supporting charitable organizations financially can also be another way to practice giving of yourself.  Perhaps you’ve thought about doing this, but didn’t know where to start, or are wary of which organizations you can trust to be fiscally responsible.  Donating locally can be more personally rewarding, as you can see how your donations are improving your own community, and you may feel “safer” giving money to an organization where you can actually see results and believe there is more accountability.  At the same time, there are many regional, national and international organizations that greatly need and deserve our support!

If you would like to venture into supporting one of these, I have found a website that offers some essential information to assist you in determining which charity (or charities) you would like to give to.  Charity Navigator uses objective ratings to find charities you can trust and support.  Their listings offer organizational, financial, and contact information for each charity, rate each one by accountability and transparency, and even provide “expert advisories” for organizations that may have raised some red flags.  You can see the programs each organization offers and compare them to see which ones are more suitable regarding what efforts you would like to support.

Regardless of how you choose to start giving, I hope that you find it greatly rewarding, and experience personal growth as a result. It only takes one person to make a difference.


To Love and Be Loved

Oscar Wilde once said “The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring.”

In contrast, the lack of causes a loneliness almost too painful to endure. We all desire to be loved at the depth by which we ourselves love others, accepted without conditions, without strings attached, right where we are…as we are.
I don’t know why some of us love without limits, giving and doing things for those we care about with such devotion and self-sacrifice that we almost destroy ourselves in the process. Perhaps we are striving…trying to trade things we can offer in return for love that we will never truly receive (unless we are blessed to meet the right person).

I know not everyone feels loved by their parents (or maybe only one of them), but I am convinced that God gave us a mother to come the closest to understanding what unconditional love feels like. Mine didn’t ever hug me or tell me she loved me, but even though I only had her for a very short time in my life, I knew she did. I miss her most of all. Knowing you are loved provides you with the strength to endure whatever you face.

I love my children more than life itself…literally don’t have the knowledge, strength, or resources to truly show them how much. Regardless of how I fail, I hope they never doubt that love, and even moreso, that God loves them exponentially more than I do.♡