On The Day She Stops Nagging You | Thought Catalog

Jakob OwensOn the day she stops nagging you, she will make her coffee just as she likes it. Watching her favorite flavor of creamer dance into darkness, starting her day peacefully. Not wondering if, after all this time, you actually cared enough to make her a cup, much less know how she likes it. She’ll sigh as she wonders why it was always too much to ask you to consider.

Your preference – cream, two sugars, extra hot – will graze her mind.

On the day she stops nagging you, she will play her favorite record as loud as she likes it. Chuckling at the memories attached to the melody. Not hinting for you to ask why she loves this band so much, much less even know who they are. She’ll smirk knowing the playlist she made you was never opened.

Your favorite songs – the ones often replayed while you were home– will play in her mind.

On the day she stops nagging you, she won’t trip over your things on the floor while placing her cup in the sink. Not making a mental note to wash it before you come home, as she knows it’s one of your biggest pet peeves. She’ll relax knowing she can get it to it later.

Your scent – no longer circling her room – will be missed when she breathes in a sigh of relief.

On the day she stops nagging you, she’ll grab her socks out of the drawer instead of the laundry basket. She emptied it months ago, waiting for you to ask for shared space. Shrugging, she supposes that made it easier, because you never filled it. You never even tried.

Your promise – “I’m not going anywhere” – rings in her ears as she closes the drawer.

On the day she stops nagging you, she will check her email. She will open new tabs without notifications she never wanted to see. She’ll bite her lip, remembering, feeling guilty as you called her needy.

Your account – the one you would forget to log out of – quickly overtook the screen with chat bubbles, ironically timed stamped during her being told she “needed too much of your time.”

On the day she stops nagging you, she will change her Instagram default. She won’t hesitate to wonder if her makeup is too much for your liking. Not curious why her screen suggests she “knows” a string of single women you’ve recently followed.

Your activity feed – full & public – doesn’t remind her she’s hidden or unworthy of two seconds of your time.

On the day she stops nagging you, she’ll take herself to lunch. Excitingly combing the menu in anticipation, like she’s seeing a long-lost friend. Savoring each bite like a victory. Digesting the validity of her opinions again.

You never took her – not even on her birthday – to her favorite restaurant.

On the day she stops nagging you, she will receive common courtesy from others she fought for you to consider to show. She’ll have perfect strangers acknowledge her presence without request. Co-workers and acquaintances ask about her day.

Your dismissal of her thoughts will seem confusing as colleagues show the interest she pleaded you for every night.

On the day she stops nagging you, she’ll be taken back by how easy her routine flows. She accepts invitations from friends without worry if you’ll be “in the mood” to attend. Embracing her stomach sans-knots, without concern of you making jokes at her expense.

Your excuses – rehearsed to keep you in good standings – won’t be necessary for her to have a nice night.

On the day she stops nagging you, she’ll order another round at happy hour. The large crowd and noisy hall will help her unwind and de-stress. Not planning an Irish exit when you give her “the look,” followed by her knowing better when it comes to you and busy bars.

Your absence allows her to order her vodka of choice, knowing she won’t have to defend her choice of money spent.

On the day she stops nagging you, she will walk home through the park. She will take in the sun set as it glows on the lake. Spotting an elderly couple, hands clasped as they walk, she will smile. She will fantasize about someone, someday, treating her like the lovebirds ahead.

Your hands aren’t shoved in your pockets, your eyes don’t roll as she reaches for yours. You aren’t there to remind her it’s a pipe dream, at best.

On the day she stops nagging you, she will turn the shower to hot. She will satisfy her own needs without feeling hurried to stop “wasting your time.” She will make herself comfortable – not punctual – and will release guilt-free. She will smile in enjoyment at control her sensuality again.

Your concept of how long a woman should take to climax doesn’t pressure her to disregard herself. She’s reassured that her needs don’t depend on your terms.

On the day she stops nagging you, she will crawl into bed. She will roll over and place her hand on your side. She had every intention of reading her book, without you turning the light off mid-page. Knowing her habits, once found endearing by you, now an annoyance despite the comfort she needs to sleep well herself.
You will grumble about how she never lets you get a decent night’s sleep. As if your schedule doesn’t effect hers.

On the day she stops nagging you, she will remember that you weren’t always this way. She will miss when you were intrigued by her, when she felt like you cared. Fondly recalling when each other’s time was worth thanks instead of spite, when there was no such thing as too close or too much.

You used to never stop talking to anyone about her; you used to shout your love from the rooftops whenever you could.

On the day she stops nagging you, she will replay your relationship in her mind. Like a movie. You asked her about every facet. Every detail and scar. She never had to ask for your attention, you were grateful to have hers.

You made her promises, endlessly, and she believed every word.

On the day she stops nagging you, she will stop fighting. For your attention, your courtesy, your time. For you to hear what she communicating, her intentions. Not to tear you down, but lift you up again. For you to show her the respect she knows you’re capable of giving her.

She was never asking you to be a different man, just the man she fell in love with. She just wants you to love her like you used to before.
On the day she stops nagging you, she will be hit by reality. She will realize the man she fell for was an act, merely a line. She wonders why it’s easier to make her at fault, than to step up and be the partner she signed up for in the first place.

You didn’t have the backbone to say you didn’t love her anymore. So you make her the problem you should “run away from.”

On the day she stops nagging you, she will knw it didn’t fail because of socks on the floor. Cups in the sink. Social media comments. Crowded bars or personal preferences. Different styles of humor, and so forth.

You called her critical, said her expectations were too high.

On the day she stops nagging you, she will say goodbye to the man you’ve become. The one who forgets she exits from across the kitchen. The one who makes her feel unworthy of basic conversation. The one who stopped enjoying her, the man that was her life.

You know, they say “an appreciated woman never nags.”

On the day she stops nagging you, she will know a woman is a reflection of her partner. Critical words come from crucial voids, balanced lives come from fulfilled hearts. Forgotten lovers forget loving words, connected couples relate respectfully.

Your actions cause reactions. You reap what you sow.

On the day she stops nagging you, may it be because she was worth the effort to know what creamer she likes in her coffee. Why a song makes her smile. Where her favorite lunch is served. May you love her so completely & wholly her world can’t be shaken by small hiccups together or socks on the floor.

On the day she stops nagging you, she may love you or leave you. But either way, you’re just receiving what you were willing to give.

By Jaqui Duncan


It Matters Whom You Marry

weddingMy husband and I were once with a youth group. There were three kids sitting across from us at a meal: two guys and a girl. The one guy was a computer geek with glasses. The other one was a college student with slightly cooler hair and no glasses. The girl was obviously with him. But while the computer geek was busy serving everyone at the meal, clearing plates and garbage, the college student got angry with the girl for a small accident and poured red juice over her leather jacket and white shirt. She picked the wrong guy, and the juice didn’t seem to change her mind. She is in for some grief if that relationship continues and especially if it leads to marriage.

So to all the young, unmarried Christian girls out there, listen up: who you marry matters. You might think that the way he treats you isn’t so bad. It’s not going to get better after the wedding. You might think that he’ll change. It’s possible, but most don’t. You might think that you’ll be able to minister to him and help him. Possibly, but if you can’t now, you won’t then, and you will be at risk yourself. A husband should lead and cherish you, not need your counsel for basic personality or behavior issues.

Unless someone married is very frank with you, you can’t understand how much a husband will impact your entire life. Next to salvation there is no other long term event that will change so many areas of your life so deeply. Here are just some of the ways that marriage will impact every aspect of living.

  1.  It will impact you spiritually. If the guy is not a believer, you can stop right there. You have no business yoking a redeemed soul with an unregenerate one, even if he seems open to change. Christ has bought you with a price and it is not an option to give away that blood bought heart to someone who doesn’t know and love your Lord. It will cripple your spiritual development, open up a host of temptations, stifle your prayer life, make regular church going difficult, and cause massive parenting conflict if you have children.  If the guy is a believer, is he a strong one? Will he lead you in prayer, Bible reading, family devotions, and public worship? Or will you be on your own? Is he going to make spiritual growth a priority or do other things come first? Is he going to ask you how it’s going with your soul so he can help you grow in holiness and love for Christ, or will he leave that to your pastor? Is he going to lead the children in this, or will you have to spearhead that? In church, is he going to help the kids sit well, pray, find the hymn, or will you be the one pointing out what is happening next and helping the family keep up? Many women have married spiritually immature men, thinking that it wasn’t a big issue, or that the man would change, and they were wrong. They bear the scars.  The health of your eternity is at stake. Think carefully.
  2. It will impact you emotionally. Is the guy you’re thinking of going to encourage you, love you, be kind to you, and seek to understand you, or will he want to go out with the guys when you’re having a hard night? Will he listen when you are struggling with something or will he be preoccupied with a video game? Is he going to be annoyed when you cry or will he get you Kleenex and give you a hug? Is he going to understand that you are probably more tender than he is, more sensitive to issues and comments, or is he regularly going to run rough shod over your feelings? One woman was struggling to breastfeed her new baby, believing that that was the best thing for her, but it was very difficult. Instead of giving support and encouragement, the husband would make mooing sounds whenever he saw his wife working at it. We have to get rid of princess complexes, but we do have emotional needs. Any guy who is uncaring about your feelings and self esteem is selfish and should be left alone.  Be careful – a husband can cripple or foster emotional health.
  3. It will impact you physically. Is the guy you’re with going to provide for your basic needs? Will he be able to shelter, clothe and feed you? At one point in our marriage, I was worried that there was no employment opportunity. My husband assured me that he would work at McDonalds, dig ditches, clean up roadkill – whatever it took to provide for the family, regardless of his gifts and training. That’s the kind of attitude you want. A man who doesn’t provide for his household is worse than an infidel (I Tim. 5:8). You might have to help ease the financial burden, but unless your husband is disabled or there is another unusual circumstance, you shouldn’t have to carry it yourself.  Will the man you are with care for your body or abuse it? If he gives you little smacks, kicks, etc. when you’re dating, get away. It’s almost guaranteed that he will abuse you after marriage, and stats show that’s especially true when you are pregnant. Is he going to care for and protect your body or will he hurt it? There are women in churches across America who thought it was no big deal to have little (sort of friendly) punches or slaps from their boyfriends, but who are covering up the bruises from their husbands. Will the man you are with care for you sexually? Is he going to honour the marriage bed in physical and mental faithfulness to you or will he flirt, feed his porn addiction, or even leave you for another woman? You can’t always predict these issues, but if the seeds or practices are already there, watch out. I recently saw a newly married couple and the husband was flirting openly with another woman. Unless something drastic happens, that marriage is headed for disaster.  Is he going to be tender and gentle to you in bed? An unbelieving co-worker once told my sister that after her first sexual encounter, she had trouble walking for a few days because her boyfriend was so rough. In other words, he wasn’t selfless enough to care for the body of the woman he said he loved.  Watch out. Your body needs care and protection.
  4. It will impact you mentally. Is the man that you’re thinking of going to be a source of worry or will he help you deal with your worries? Is he going to encourage your intellectual development, or will he neglect it? Is he going to value your opinions and listen to what you are thinking, or will he disregard your thoughts? Is he going to help you manage stress so that your mind is not burdened that way, or is he going to let you struggle through issues alone? Is he going to care for you and be thoughtful of you if you are experiencing mental strain, or will he ignore it? I know of a woman who could handle pregnancy and child birth very well physically but postpartum depression took a huge toll on her mind. The husband overlooked it, continuing to have more children, until his wife ended up in a mental institution. You might think that the intellectual or mental side of a marriage is small. It’s bigger than you think. Consider it seriously.
  5. It will impact you relationally. How’s your relationship with your mother? Your dad? Do you love them? Does your boyfriend? Fast forward ten years: you tell your husband that your mother is coming for the weekend. Is he excited? Disappointed? Angry? Making snide jokes with his friends? Of course, a husband should come first in your priority of relationships, as you both leave father and mother and cleave to one another. But parents are still a big part of the picture. Whatever negative feelings he has about your parents now will probably be amplified after marriage. Your marriage will either strengthen or damage – even destroy – your relationship with your parents. The people who know you best and love you most right now could be cut out of the picture by a husband who hates them.  It’s the same with sisters and friends. Will they be welcomed, at reasonable times, in your home? Will the guy who you’re with encourage healthy relationships with other women, or will he be jealous of normal, biblical friendships? Will he help you mentor younger women and be thankful when older women mentor you, or will he belittle that?Don’t sacrifice many good relationships for the sake of one guy who can’t value the people who love you. So how will your boyfriend do after the vows? Because this is just a sampling of the ways that a husband can bless or curse his wife. The effects are far reaching, long lasting, and either wonderful or difficult. True, there are no perfect men out there. But there are great ones. And it’s better to be single for life than to marry someone who will make your life a burden. Singleness can be great. Marriage to the wrong person is a nightmare. I’ve been in a church parking lot where the pastor had to call the police to protect a wife from a husband who was trying to stop her from worshiping and being with her family. It’s ugly. Don’t be so desperate to get married that your marriage is a grief. If you are in an unhappy marriage, there are ways to get help. But if you’re not married, don’t put yourself in that situation. Don’t marry someone whose leadership you can’t follow. Don’t marry someone who is not seeking to love you as Christ loved the church. Marry someone who knows and demonstrates the love of Christ.

click here for Guys, It Matters Who You Marry Too


Warning Signs of Sex Trafficking

Right here in America…

Thousands of children are exploited through prostitution. The most common ages a child is first exploited through prostitution is 14 to 16.

What if it’s warningsomeone you know…

Could you recognize the warning signs of trafficking?
Do you know how traffickers or pimps recruit their victims?
What makes a child you love vulnerable to the dark underworld of the trafficking industry?

Shared Hope knows… Click here to fill out the form for a free download


5 Things Strong Women NEVER Do For A Man — Or Anyone Else

When you’re head over heels for someone, or maybe when you’re feeling insecure, it’s sometimes easy to put someone else’s wants and needs before your own. But if you don’t catch yourself in time, you may lose a part of who you are. Ladies, don’t ever do the following five things for a man — or for anyone.

  1. Change your appearance – If your SO is a decent human being, they won’t ever force you to alter the way you look for their benefit. They should love you for you, and all of you. If your weight, hair, or style really bothers him, he’s clearly not with you for the right reasons. Any physical changes you make should be made because you want them, not for attention or for someone else.
  2. Compromise your passions – Absolutely no one should get in the way of your goals. It is your life, after all, and nobody else will regret leaving any dreams behind more than you. The decision to pass on a job opportunity or put an idea on hold might seem best at the moment, but the future is never guaranteed. Your partner should support your endeavors, and if he’s willing to come along for the ride, that’s just a bonus.
  3. Wait for his approval – A strong woman plays by her rules and doesn’t sit around for instructions. You should be assertive and go forward with your own decisions rather than seek validation from someone else. You’re grown enough to know what’s best for you.
  4. Cancel already-set plans – It’s different to reschedule when something important comes up, but it’s problematic when you drop what you’re doing just to be with him. Your friends and family should not be on the sideline and only brought in when he’s unavailable. You should never be on standby, and if he’s respectful, he won’t mind catching you another time.
  5. Let him change who you are – Don’t change who you are for anyone but yourself. And if you do decide to make any self-adjustments, they should be improvements that will better you. It’s possible that he’d be more interested if you do x, y, and z, but he wouldn’t genuinely like you for you. Never lose sight of who you are.

By Nicole Yi